Requires only three ingredients.

The other day someone asked me if I was born in Canada, when I said “Canada is my home by marriage” … she said “Oh you must miss your home then?” 

And I replied “No, I am a very in the moment person, my default mode is Happy and I don’t miss anything”.

She was pleasantly surprised and said “Oh I wish I was like that”.

That is when I started wondering if there are more people like her who miss this, that or the other, while not enjoying what is right in front of them? The would-have, should-have and could-have people are the real road blocks to their own Happiness.

I think we only requires 3 simple ingredients to be Happy: – 

1-Be in the moment

I am not asking for any zen or meditative practice but just that you be fully present with whatever you are doing right now.

If you are here you cannot be anywhere else, right? 

So why not enjoy whatever is going on right now and not miss the stuff or the people who are not here right now, in this very moment.

My dad always said if you are doing something do it wholeheartedly, by being fully present, by being fully immersive…otherwise don’t do it at all.

And I have stuck by this rule ever since. If I am with my spouse, family or friends, I don’t dwell on all the people who could have been, should have been there…I just enjoy who ever I am with and whatever I am doing. I call this being fully present for the people around me and giving them all of “Me”, not a half-hearted version of me but all of me.

And it’s not just about people, this applies to every aspect of your life. Once you start being fully present things start taking care of themselves. And when you don’t miss anything you don’t feel deprived of anything or any person and hence are Happy all the time.

2-Be in control

From an early childhood I was fascinated by a quote I read.

“I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my Soul.”

                                                                                                 William Ernest Henley

This quote resonated with my personality, from as long as I can remember I was a happy child and if I wanted to be happy, no one and nothing could change that.

One of my earliest memory was going to a park when I was 2 or 3 years old and seeing a cat up close for the first time. As every child does, I wanted to pet the cat but this being a stray cat, not used to petting, it just flung it’s paw in the air and scratched my hand.

A normal child would just cringe and cry and go back to mommy and never touch a cat again, but I must have been thinking, “Oh I like you and not even you can stop me from petting you”. And sure enough, under the watchful eye of my mother, I tried again and this time I was indeed able to pet her. So even when dealing with a cat I was in control of my actions and emotions.

When I joined college, I made new friends and after a few months one of my friend asked me if I ever get upset or mad at anything? And I asked her why she wants to know?  she said “oh because I have never seen you upset or mad at anything so I was just wondering what makes you angry”.

I told her small things in life don’t make me mad, it’s the big stuff, the state of the World, the Wars, the poverty, the homelessness, and the shear lack of empathy & sympathy from the people who have it all for the people who don’t have it. What happens on a daily basis is not worth getting mad at. If I cannot change it I don’t get mad at it…I save my anger to move the World forward.

No one should be able to change the state of being that you want to be in. If you are happy nothing and no one should be able to change that. If someone around you is having a bad day it’s their problem, not yours. You can go out and help them, you can offer solution, compassion, encouragement, advice, whatever they need but it should not affect you in any way. Remember you are in control…no one else.

I am not calm and collected all the time, I do get mad at things and people but I use my anger in a different way…I do something about it…to make it better…not how I want it …but how it should be.

I don’t consider getting mad at things that I do not or cannot control. What’s the point of getting mad at the weather being so hot or so cold? What’s the point of getting mad a driver who cuts you off? What’s the point of getting mad at the Politicians or the political atmosphere? What’s the point of getting mad at the rush hour traffic? What’s the point of getting mad at anything at all when you cannot change it?

And the third one is to

3-Be comfortable

The ultimate comfort zone is within.

                                                           Oprah Winfrey

NOTE: Do not add worrying to it.

Other day we were watching a movie where a guy who was to be executed for a crime he did not commit was asked by his lawyer as to why he was so calm and not worried about his fate as all the evidence was stacked up against him and that as his lawyer he might not be able to save him?

The guy asks “would that help?”

Worrying doesn’t even help a guy on death row so why should we fret the small stuff.

Worrying does not help at all. It only wears and tears you down emotionally and physically but does nothing to help the situation you are in.

You can work to make the situation better, you can apply all the available resources to make it better, you can even seek help and advice but worrying about it does not make it any better.

When my dad was going through an open-heart surgery, I was thousands of miles away from him, most of my family was with him but not me.

My friends here would ask if I was worried about my dad and I always replied with a firm “No”!

That did not mean I did not care about the outcome of the surgery or that I was not aware of the risks involved, it did not even mean that I loved my dad any less than my other siblings did, it simply meant that worrying about the outcome would not change it, so why would I worry.

And my dad did come out with flying colors and fully recovered from it. My worrying would have made no difference at all.

You might ask what if the outcome was otherwise, what if he had not survived the surgery? My answer would have been the same, I would still not worry. My worrying would not have made any difference at all.

We all know that we have this terminal illness called “life”. No one is getting out alive, so why worry?

You can do nothing to make it otherwise. You can stay fit, eat healthy, spend your life in a safe and sound environment but we all are going to die, it’s not a surprise, death is going to strike us one day, any day, any moment, so what’s the point in worrying about it?

You can worry about your finances, your health, your kids but worrying does not help…you have to get up and do something about it…the secret lies in the “doing”, not worrying.

I am hoping that from today onwards you live in the moment and fully immerse yourself in it, that you take control of your emotions and let nothing from the outside bother you again and that you be comfortable with whatever you cannot change.

You will see that your life will change in ways you couldn’t have imagined

 And

 you will start living your Happily Ever After right here, right now.